I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
