you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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