3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
