she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You ate ashes out of my bong
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
