I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
