So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
