I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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