singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
