i think my mom watched the whole time
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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