i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
