I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
