just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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