Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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