Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
