She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
