how can u be prego again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
