ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
