ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
