She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
