i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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