Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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