That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
never play flip cup with pint glasses
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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