TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
