His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
