yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
where am i from again
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
