Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
