maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
