Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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