After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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