the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
