life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
