I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
