ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
