did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just high enough for therapy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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