shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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