You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
