If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I understand Curling. That high.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
