oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
