shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
