He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
