if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
