They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
