I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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