And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
