youre lurking in front of me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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