is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
