If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
