fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
