before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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