She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
